(Apr. 26, 2024 ● Oslin Pierrette)
I call to you god, many have called to you, in our deep suffering, our drowning, why must we suffer, I ask you why? Why do you remain in silence in the face of our brutal destruction? Please fix your creation. I pray everyday for it. I yearn for your presence. I’m sorry to even question my faith, forgive me, but your silence is demoralizing. That’s a lot of what I got from this film. Deeply yearning and believing in the “gift” that never gives, outside of the intense belief that it will, that provides me this maybe false sense of comfort. At the end of my suffering, god will be there with my salvation. Through my devotion, through my suffering, I have earned salvation.
It’s like the drowning man boat story: “A man was trapped on his rooftop during a flood. As the water rose, he prayed to God for help. Shortly after, a person in a boat came by and offered to rescue him, but the man declined, saying God would save him. As the water kept rising, another boat came, and then a helicopter, but each time the man refused help, trusting solely in God. Eventually, the man drowned. When he met God in heaven, he asked why God didn’t save him. God replied, “I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What more did you want?”
One moral of the story is that many are waiting for those farce idealized versions of god to save them from their suffering, even if sometimes they have the ability to free themselves. This was a big struggle for many in this film. Basically Christianity is outlawed in Japan, punishable by death & torture. But the power of Jesus is truly a strong will, a will for many that can never be broken. They will willfully die for their god, die for god’s love.
Why would you do that, why do you accept this fate of decapitating torture. Because when I die, the suffering will end, everything will be better, isn’t dying a good thing then, especially when life is all suffering. And that right there is one of the fatal flaws of this belief system. Resigning from life heavily prematurely, putting it in god’s hand, and waiting to be saved. What are you doing in trying to be saved…praying. That’s it, you’re only going to pray. And with this overly confident gleeful smile on their face like they know something, when most likely they’re arrogantly wrong, they say yes, I pray to god, and my savior will come, or I will receive my salvation. It sounds like you accept defeat. How can I be defeated, when god has won the war, you’ll see.
I understood early on why the Japanese wanted to get rid of this plague. It causes a heavy mental stagnation that leads to human deterioration. It can corrupt a human into resigning into nothingness in life. To where humans will seek and find nothing. Stop trying to force your yakubian god on us, we don’t want it. You’re not connected to the beauty of life, the beauty of nature. You are connected to these symbols of status, you are connected to nothing. You seeked god, and found nothing, but this is your everything. You live an absurd nightmare that you try to pass off as the dream to be. The ultimate holy salvation. Please leave that to yourself. Kill yourself, don’t kill me, don’t force it on me. I don’t want your nothingness. I don’t want your dissonance full of confusion, that’s passed off as a will test of faith. I want beauty, and that’s what I aspire for. Inside your church, it seems to be vacant, a path away from beauty, away from God, a path to a confused nothing, a path to god’s silence
Thank God that I wasn’t indoctrinated into the cult called church. People accept martyrdom as their salvation. The Japanese tried to kill off and wipe out the Christian’s, so what they saw as a corrupt plague wouldn’t spread. But suffering only adds fuel to their fire. That’s their way of life equation. Through devotion and suffering within that, my god will grant me salvation. You can’t wipe these people out, especially priests, because martyrdom instills hope. “The blood of martyrs is the seed of the church.” It’s their whole premise, Jesus was on a cross, tortured, and died for our sins. It’s one of the most destructive symbols of humanity. I accept this torture, I’ll be like Jesus, and god will grant me my salvation.
Another strong theme of this film. Padre, the priests in this movie that everyone referred to as Father basically. He was encouraging people to martyr themselves. One insisted. But even though the other never said to, they believed and followed his actions of devotion.
It also got into this great issue this world has with deifying white people. When the messiah shows up, it will be a white man. And when the white priests from Portugal showed up, they all bowed and were in awe of their presence, as if the messiah had returned, Jesus had answered their prayers, they were going to be saved. But the opposite was true. It’s just so hyper-negligent to be an instrument to deeply further and cement these people’s deep delusions and belief in nothingness. They’re coming to confess, and be forgiven like these priests have this special access and connection to god. Through me, you will find god, which in many cases, can be a deep narcissism, many succumb to the great power of religious clergy. Many follow you, and as you illustrate this unbreakable will of god, the ones who follow pay the price. Stomp on this image of Jesus or die, and many are too proud to disrespect Jesus, that should be forgiving and understanding anyways. They accept torture, they’re now a proud martyr for their people. I died for my people and Jesus..no you died because you believed in these fake mystical padre priests.
I went to the outside of the church, I needed answers in life. I asked? God, are you here, and a man said yes, god is here, come inside and I’ll show you the way. Are you sure, my mother was an avid follower and struggled & suffered all her life. Are you sure this is the way, even through all that suffering? Your mother was a great strong woman, she has received salvation through her devotion to god. This is the way, now let me show you the way we have shown millions, through the word of god.
I’ve seen so many people lose themselves in church, and become a nothingness. They fully devote themselves to the doctrine of church and lose themselves and identify completely. They have to follow the word, the doctrine, and there’s this attachment to church & culture of religion that is typically followed as well, where everything becomes a temptation that you have to build a will power to deny. You must walk a very narrow road, reject experimentation and feeling things out. And be the god’s child we shaped you to be, be strict to the doctrine. Don’t question, just follow the faith. Any temptation, just pray it away. The word & doctrine will save you.
Through word and strict adherence and obedience to the doctrine, you won’t find God. It’s a lot more to that process, without the beauty of wisdom and intuition, you’ll be a lost puppy finding the wrong home, susceptible to even making cults your home. One dark aspect about religions. Come to me when you’re weary, when you’re dark and alone, Jesus will provide you the light. That’s a recipe for disaster. You’re prone and susceptible to cults in that state. Being lost and alone is such an existentially scary and sometimes paralyzing state to be in. People yearn for that solace and comfort of community, and reasoning for what life truly is, a need to find answers. The church makes perfect sense. This is where it gets confusing. I do believe God is so beautiful. Things like the Bible and other theological texts are full of profound information. So I do get confused how people are in the church, right next to all that deeply profound text, but still coming up empty as a person, with a lost personality. What is happening in the culture of church that’s producing all this lostness? And it could be this addiction to god, a hyper-dependence rather than a true connection with God. They are empty people, and they’re listening, if you are lost, Jesus will fill you. But truly that just might be creating an unhealthy attachment rather than the true growth that’s needed. It’s hurting more than helping. The masses need a disillusionment from the cult called church.
You saw the excruciating pain Padre witnessed when the people listened to his teachings, that they got martyred for. It kept growing this dilemma. god I pray to you constantly, I devoted my life to you. The people that desperately call your name and pray to you. We need you right now more than ever. And all he felt was the silence of Jesus when he had to witness the deeply excruciating torture he kind of led them to. That leads to questioning, that leads to doubt. Maybe you aren’t real. Maybe there’s no one there.
They are trying to break his will. Trying to turn him. Through you, they will denounce this god you speak of. And they push him through the extreme amount of loss. They even brought out Ferreira, a former padre that they were looking for, the reason they came to Japan. And that moment, he’s questioning life. Christianity and Jesus is my whole identity, I can’t step on it. It is the way that I know. If this isn’t real, then nothing is, and I’m stuck in my lostness. I don’t know where to go if it isn’t towards Christianity, I’m already too far down the road. But it’s being explained, there’s more to life than clinging on to these farce religious understandings and faith. You sacrifice for the big reward of nothing. He gives in, he assimilates instead of taking the fate that the ones he led fell to their demise.
That’s where you clearly saw the understanding, just because the way this form of Christianity may be wrong, it doesn’t automatically make others right. He assimilated, but embraced this lifelessness that ensured him this comfort. There were faults that this Japanese culture had as well. You see that he really didn’t see the way, he didn’t see that Christianity wasn’t it. He was brutalized into a new belief. Not a faith he embraced in his heart. This was not a noble ridding of a religious plague that makes humans worse. This was a religious cleansing, killing for what people believe in. Personally, I didn’t fully care for the last 20 mins of this film, let’s get back to the important parts…
One of the main things about this film is why we must suffer for god. Why is this religion, or the culture of it so pro-suffering to points past torture. This interpretation can get misinterpreted in a multitude of ways. Many feel in their suffering it brings them closer to God, and I do believe there’s truths to this. If you’ve experienced suffering, if you experience hunger, and deeply demoralizing poverty, to points where it feels like an inescapable hell where you never have the opportunity to lift yourself out of your suffering & drowning, you have the opportunity to understand the lives of many. You have the opportunity to understand many of their reasonings, which gives you the beautiful opportunity to have this deep grace for others, and also truly understand why a human would fall out of the grace of God. That’s such a beautiful connection and understanding of life to have, it’s so truly beautiful to have grace for others, that grows this beautiful feeling of empathy, you’re connected, you truly understand you’re human. Sometimes you might have to go through suffering trials & tribulations to come to these profound understandings. Many who are far removed do tend to lose touch with humanity, you don’t understand the true plight of suffering and hardship, so you may not acknowledge others suffering and not validate their experience. You saw that with the priests. No matter what you never disavow Jesus, you never stomp on his face, even in the face of death, you proudly say his name. That’s easy for you to say, priests from Portugal, you have the privilege to do that. In your world accepting Jesus is normal, in mine I die for it. Not just die, I experience an existence where I wish for death, unfathomably tortured. So if you can’t validate my reasoning for why I might have to disavow god, then you don’t understand the pain of my torture, you don’t value or empathize my experience, you’re not connected to the pain I feel, so maybe you can’t be the judge of my ways. I feel that’s a fundamental understanding, you can’t be the judge of my ways, if you haven’t walked in my shoes. So if I fall out of grace, you don’t hold the ability to judge. You wouldn’t understand why I had to fall out of grace. You don’t know why I had to step on the face of Jesus. You stepping on Jesus, or falling out of grace is simply because you lost the will power, or got selfish. Me stepping on Jesus, or falling out of grace is most likely so I have the chance to breathe another day, just so I can just be able to save myself from drowning.
Also, if you seek to obtain beauty and the gifts from God, you most likely have to walk the path of discipline and development, which is an uphill battle that can sometimes be excruciating. But it’s a path based on the seeking of the beauty and prosperity of God’s gift. Where I feel people think suffering is a prerequisite to god’s salvation, where it’s not the suffering or pains that come from the path of aspiring and seeking beauty, but a suffering for the sake of suffering so in the end, I believe god will grant me salvation. Jesus was on the cross, and maybe I should be too. I feel this is the misinterpretation of that. To points you’ll see cults that practice self harm and suffering thinking it will bring god’s salvation. But it is a deep question, why must we suffer for god.
Some people get to the point of questioning, is god a sadist? Through my devotion, I’ve kept the word inside my life for so long, strictly obedient to the doctrine, I constantly pray, I practice being a righteous person constantly, why do I feel ignored by god? Are you even there, or are you amongst the clouds laughing at us fools in this game of yours. Why does it seem like the most noble suffer the most, with a disappointing experience, and the least noble gain the gift of the world, maybe this is a sick game of yours. That’s why I love the film Devil’s Advocate, it poses the greatest argument for Satan, “God is Sadist!!!”.
“Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. Ahaha. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He’s laughin’ His sick, f***in’ ass off. He’s a tight-ass. He’s a sadist. He’s an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never.”
I understand why people feel this sentiment. god’s silence is demoralizing, why aren’t you showing up for me after I’ve been calling all these years. Am I not worthy, or do I have to believe in this dark blind faith for years more, I don’t know, I’m so lost & confused, please don’t tell me this is the sadistic game of yours, because why is this your mysterious ways. And I think I break this down really nicely, that ties up everything pretty nicely, in this excerpt from my book:
“Excuse me God for this message, I’m sure you understand:
What the fuck is god doing for us, truly? I look around, and most people I see that are god worshipers are suffering, the people who pray to god the most, have the most ruins, what type of sadistic equation is that. I look at my peers who I’ve seen grow up praising god the most, who were indoctrinated in the system of the church, they have some of the most lost personalities & identities. They seem to be struggling with lost identities the most, the people who made themselves the most about god. It’s a weird equation. Then it’s like, the heinous vile creatures of the world, have the world in the palm of their hands like god gave it to them. This seems like it isn’t just pure chaos, but more sadistically deliberate and orchestrated, this feels like an intentional design and system of something. So you ask the question, is god sadistic, is god laughing at our pain? Does god want his true worshipers purely suffering in this sick game he’s made on earth? Is this god’s trick to laugh at us all, to believe in god and don’t break the moral and ethic codes, stay between the lines, and the people who cross the ethical lines of god have the opportunity for a better outcome, while the loyal worshipers most likely suffer. What sick game or grand trick is god playing on us.
Then I grew up, and see, these people aren’t God Worshippers, I don’t feel they have a true relationship with God, not exactly I mean. They don’t follow a moral righteous compass set by God’s true beauty and righteousness. The masses are just docile “innocent” bystanders, they feel innocent in their docile bystanding behavior. Basically like throwing their hands up, I’m just doing what I gotta do to feed my family and goto church on Sunday. And they are so willingly blind to many nefarious actions of the world, allowing them to maneuver and metastasize as they please. Then you see, this maybe isn’t God’s word and construct, like God would construct. It seems tampered with, and you see that it’s more resemblant of satan’s and the devil’s tricks. That’s why this equation of following god has such a sadistic equation of devil worshipers or heathens gaining the world, and the god worshipers stuck in constant ruins. They weren’t following the righteous moral compass set truly by God. They live by a code set by man, a code, a strict doctrine of the docile innocent bystander, and don’t question any of it, remain docile. God shares knowledge and beauty, not demands you to stay ignorant and not question. The parasitic devil plays by a code and doctrine of silence. If people would proudly stand for good and righteousness, the world wouldn’t be handed to heathens and heinous vile creatures of the world. God’s grace maybe wouldn’t extend that far. We’re not in ruins because we should suffer for god, and god works in mysterious ways, but it’s more that the devil is unleashing its wrath on humanity. We live inside the burning world of sadism, and until we start actually following God’s beauty and spirit, we will remain in this docile ruins. We didn’t receive God’s blessing, because we weren’t following the spirit that would provide blessings for humanity, the doctrine of church doesn’t seem aligned with God’s spirit. So we weren’t collectively making a prosperous world by following god’s word and construct. With our “innocent” docile bystander and even tempting behavior, we were creating the devil’s lair, that the devil is trapping around humanity. As we so willingly watch, throw our hands up and say I’m just doing what I gotta do to feed my family, and goto church on Sunday, god will clean it up. Humanity doesn’t see or want to see the guilt in their “innocence”. Or too deluded in their attachment for their understanding of god, which may be the devil’s tampering.”
That’s one major reason why I love Dune and the character Chani. She believes in the prosperity of the people, and puts in the work to see that through. We have the ability to create beautiful prosperous worlds for ourselves. But we wait here and wait for a messiah? How ridiculous, how weak. This messiah you wait for, has allowed millions and generations of people to drown in their deep pain of suffering, has remained in silence for generations. Why are you the special generation for the messiah to return for? And why would the messiah skip over all those other generations? What is this purpose, or maybe you have it wrong. Maybe God manifests through different mechanisms, through our collective community and love, with trust and development of us, maybe then we will see the phenomenon of God. That’s just my theory.
Great film, one of Martin Scorsese’s most mature films. Also some great performances, especially by Andrew Garfield. Hopefully my review is legible and good. I’m definitely insanely tired.
Also must be said. I love God, believe in God, I just don’t align with the culture of religion and the church. There are some deep inherent issues.