(Jan. 24, 2022 ● Oslin Pierrette)
You gotta take initiative with your life, take control and be proactive. It’s really easy to fall into that insanity trap, of just waiting for life to happen for you. Waiting till your life starts. Then just waiting, literally just waiting. Like “when this thing happens for me.” “When I get here.” I used to do this all the time. I just can’t wait to get to a certain place in my life, sometimes overly confident about what I will do in those positions. But I’m not making any moves, not making anything happen. Just have this weird innate feeling that things are just gonna fall on my lap, or fall right into place. Weird false sense of entitlement. And it’s an insane form of thinking. Luckily I’ve been humbled and ran into some harsh roadblocks and obstacles that snapped me out of that. That made me question, how am I going to get there? Taking me out of this autopilot state. Why am I waiting to get there to start building my skills in that thing? I’m completely incompetent with the things I want to do. Why do I feel assured of success that I’ll get where I want? I got nothing to show my worth, because I don’t have none, outside of me winging things. Just being carried by my arrogance to do these things. That’s why being humbled was good, snapped me out of those arrogant thoughts. Helped me build towards what I want, those skills I need. Started creating and building those visions, instead of thinking it will fall on my lap.
That gave me the confidence to make moves. My feeling of being competent with my visions. I can go ask for these opportunities and feel fine, less nerves. I know I’m good enough now. That’s another reason why people are afraid to make those moves. Because of hopelessly romanticizing everything. Play the insanity wait game, you can’t miss if you don’t shoot. You still have the ability to have escapist visions when you don’t go for them though. Maybe you’ll feel like a failure if you do go for it, and you feel you’re not competent for the life you envisioned. Instead, you don’t go for it, and keep your ability to hopelessly romanticize your life.
Also sometimes, you can feel competent enough. It’s just a lot of things that aren’t public knowledge. How to maneuver and build whatever you’re trying to build. People are seemingly stingy with info. You just don’t want to bother anybody. Some come off as annoyed when people are asking them for stuff. I don’t want to bother, I just want to know. Also people can be pretentious status whores sometimes. I just don’t like that energy. I’m not someone who’s gonna make your head bigger. I’m not kissing up to anyone. So for me whatever they got, isn’t valuable enough for me to allow them to move like that on me. But yeah, these spaces can be pretentious sometimes. I feel competent enough, but there was a point where it was like, I don’t have the proven work to prove my competence. So I don’t feel like I can ask for things. But some of the things I’ve asked for, people just agreed. Don’t even know what I’ve done. So it’s like, you gotta build that habit of vocalizing everything you need. There are way more unexpected yeses than you think. Also it’ll help build what you’re envisioning. I completely understand the nervousness of doing that. It’s just a habit and skill you gotta build.
You have to build and create the things you want. Waiting on it, is a recipe for time regrets, and resentments.
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