(Sept. 13, 2022 ● Oslin Pierrette)
Why is it so hard for some to share their own work? Why is it so awkward and sometimes debilitating to promote yourself? Why are some people cursed with debilitating shyness?
Putting yourself out there is hard for many, especially for introverts. If you have been mostly reserved to the public. Now you’re trying to transition into putting yourself out there, for many it’s going to be an awkward debilitating feeling. Overthinking and feeling how others are going to perceive you stepping out of the perceived box you assume others feel you’re in.
“Yeah, I used to have to deal with that a lot. People’s perception of me really wavered me. People are dealt different levels of perception. Some people can do whatever and not get judged, because the way they’re perceived is more lenient. Not really walls on who you feel they should be. They’re more free and allowed to do whatever. And it doesn’t come off awkward or whatever. Then some people, you perceive them to be I guess somewhat small. In the sense like they’re a shell of themselves, very reserved. So if they do anything outside of the small box. It’s like “🥴umm, you don’t do that. Go back to that small box you should be in.” And I think that’s a cruel and suffocating energy to put on someone. Some people can’t handle that pressure and will continuously buckle and settle to be in that box. Never feel like they have a chance to leave. Trapped inside what people perceive them as. People’s perception control that person. I used to suffer from this a lot. I had a large group of people perceive me to be a shell of myself. People put me in a small box, cursed me with that. And it’s terrible, because you literally can’t do anything out of it. You empathize with the awkward feeling you assume people feel, when you assume they think you’re acting outside of your box. You feel they feel those actions aren’t genuine to you. So those feelings can lead to you going right back inside that box.” An excerpt from one of my posts.
So with that, for shy people it’s hard to put yourself out there. You’re posting something vulnerable about passions you want to venture in, especially when it’s so left field to what the public knows about you, can feel too vulnerable for some. You see who’s viewing your work and it just feels like stares. So many just stay reserved.
People are chastised for being shy, but it’s not like they asked for this. I think shyness is somewhat like your favorite color. It’s just your favorite color for whatever reason, like you’re shy for whatever reason. Yes, it can be influenced, but for the most part you just are the way you are. Shyness to me, like being an extrovert, feels like it mainly stems from birth. Like in my earliest perceptions of life, I was just shy. What could have possibly influenced that, feels more like a personality type you’re born with.
Yeah, I understand you should be constantly promoting yourself, but it’s just not as easy as it simply was said. Like the way we’re crazy to extroverts for lack of self promotion, extroverts are crazy to introverts for the public presence they can command, also how naturally they can perform in public. Obviously they got the better end of the spectrum(Not saying extroverts are better, they just have an advantage for promoting themselves). So the question of “why am I so shy?” is obsolete. It’s happenstance, they just happen to be that way for the most part. The question should be how can I project myself more. How can I get more comfortable with publicly expressing myself?
For me I just created a lot. I really love creating a multitude of things. And I kept doing that, but I kept it for myself. Then I would take an act of courage and just post a lot of the stuff, and see how comfortable I felt with myself out there. At first it was my outfits, and posting instagram pics. I was never really comfortable with instagram. So I just worked on gaining the courage to be more public. At first it was weird, because the outfits I was wearing weren’t associated with my public personality. So it was different for people to see. Then I would take my style further, with things like purses, or gaudy outfits. I thought about what people might say at first, how they would feel, but that dies down. Then you keep pushing it, then after a while, it’s like walking in a brand new pair of shoes, breaking them in and it feels normal now. I wear these shoes comfortably now. Basically wearing a new persona more comfortably. Start publicly associating yourself with the person you want to be. So when you post things you’re passionate about, it feels natural and it makes sense that you would post that. Like I started to post this instagram video music sessions on my story. When you see that first story post of my “recent music vibes,” you understand that I’m about to put on a performance. It’s understood and accepted by my audience. Then I wanted to get into more vulnerable work. So I created a private page on instagram where only I could see. I started to post my writings and work there. Just worked on curating it at first, and also liked having a media hub for my work. Then some people would find it. I allowed a few to follow, see how it felt to have vulnerable work for others to view. Then after getting comfortable, I opened it to the public. Started to promote more, and associate myself with the work I do. So posting my work now comes naturally. Also I prioritize quality control. The work I had was really great, how could I let someone shame me out of that. Having more conversations like that with myself, and compartmentalizing my feelings with promoting myself. Making me more okay with sharing my vulnerability, to the point vulnerability is synonymous with who I am.
Also it’s like, why do you feel ashamed to post your work. Why are you being affected by the perception of you vulnerably sharing(not asking in a rhetorical way, where you shouldn’t let people do that, but a genuine question.)? Why do the people around you trigger you like that? Is it a personal thing you’re projecting, or is your surroundings actually projecting a negative energy onto your work. And for me, it was a bit of both. I was weird about expressing myself more. I understood my personality was way different than the norm, and I’m not the one for the center of attention, but some things about my personality do warrant that. So I just worked with myself through the process of being comfy in my own skin, naturally expressing my genuine personality, living my truth. I understood the need for it. What weighs more, staying in your comfort zone, but missing out and killing your dreams and aspirations. Or going for your dreams, and accepting all the pains and obstacles that come with it. I absolutely understood that I wanted to live a life of love and passion so I knew what option I was going with(Not to be condescending, but lot of the people that I felt judged by were non-aspirational people. I’d have self convos on why I would allow judgement and doubt from someone with a somewhat dull apathetic lifestyle. While I’m aspiring for a life full of beautiful passion and color. A life where I actually feel good, one to desire. Understanding that helps me realize and let go of that shame and doubt). I understood this journey of self acceptance and expression was going to be a difficult one. But then you have the people that make you feel weird. Not even because you’re not confident in your work. It just feels like some are bringing negativity and doubt onto your work, and that’s just unnecessary to deal with. For me, I learned not to have entitlement with people I know and how they should engage with my work. Like there’s this sentiment “that people who you thought rocked with you don’t support you. It’ll be the strangers that support you.” And I think this is too cliché. Yes, I do believe this sentiment to be true. I just don’t demonize people who do it though. If it’s such a frequent occurrence, maybe it’s more humanly natural than the hate people think it is. One, you aren’t entitled to people liking your work, also supporting your work. Also some just may not be comfortable to share. It’s your journey on being more comfortably public, not others. Also knowing that local support isn’t the most viable, I’m more focused on reaching outwards anyways. I think local support is similar to the lottery. Do you really think your lottery ticket is going to be a successful ticket, do you really think the person next to you is going to be a success story?
Some people, it’s better to part ways though. If you’re coming into your own skin, being someone you love, and not being well received by close ones. That’s somebody rejecting your natural essence, your love. It’s better to move on, than to brew resentments in their presence. Then you have others who won’t support you because of their insecurities. People have their own things going on for them. Life may not be going their way. So someone seeing someone they grew up with finding success reminds them of their own failures. I’m not excusing them, but that’s just a natural feeling, people are human. I’m not here to tell people how they should feel or act. That they shouldn’t feel insecure about others’ success. Only here to understand, and with understanding, I get why then I can move on. Reason I’m saying this, lack of support is an inevitable part of many people’s journey. So instead of inviting resentments to something that is certain. It’s better to understand what’s ahead to make sure you’re okay.
This is more of a tangent, but The Rehearsal is a surreally amazing show. Basically about rehearsing life. Say there is a moment in your life that you’re quite not ready to live. You can pre-create the situations. Constantly practicing multiple permutations of the possibilities that could happen. So whatever happens in real-time, you’ll be prepared for the moment. It’s the perfect situation for a shy person who doesn’t know how to react and perform in real-time situations, which makes them shy away from the moment. The funny part about the show is, he rehearses everything. He makes sure he’s ready for every situation, in the most insane form possible. He’ll have a rehearsal for a rehearsal. Basically living life as a rehearsal. One of my favorite premises for a show. Everyone should at least watch episode 1.