(May 18, 2021 ● Oslin Pierrette)
I’m a big James Baldwin fan. I haven’t really read his books, and eventually I probably will. But I’m a fan of his person. I enjoy watching him speak. He was really a progressive human for his time. To be an Openly Gay Black man in the 50s and maybe before that(I don’t know exactly when he came out).
I don’t know why, but love, your spirit, your soul chooses you. You can’t really overwrite it. Just allow yourself to be vulnerable to love what you love. Whatever the activity, thing, or person. That feeling can be so overwhelming sometimes. So grand that it overstimulates you and you don’t know how to control it. That feeling can be scary, a really powerful feeling. A lot of people aren’t used to it. But you need love. A life without love sounds like a life full of despair, or rage & resentments that you don’t have love, or both. You are your spirit, and to not have that, is next to or just nothing.
Also what if you see yourself tempted to love or like something that is against the norm, or against your community values. It must be crushing when you see yourself love something that your community has complete disdain, disgust, spits on, or dehumanizes something that represents you. I bet it shatters some people, and turns them away from who they are, their love. Completely conflicted inside. Live a life shielded away from your love because how traumatized you are from seeing your representation of your love get killed. Your love is the trigger you feel you have to shield yourself from. That shield can easily harbor that friction, basically a resentment of life or your surroundings.
I like when people have the understanding not to shield their own love, It’s not their fault. Love is natural, very human. Not to be controlled by social norms, but to be set free to be. So I like it when people understand that. They don’t punish and shield themselves. Instead they shield the community’s access towards them, even if it’s family. There’s a community out there that’ll accept them, that they can find. Where they’ll feel genuinely loved. But so many kids are impressionable and won’t understand how. Seeking validation from “family” is decapitating their soul. Hope they find a resolution.
I get it though. There are a lot of reasons why you wouldn’t choose your own love. So many inhibitors in today’s climate. Even your own ego or pride, can make you too proud to choose vulnerable love. Hard for some to go against the norm, or the majority. Hard for some to stick out, and let your love and soul shine.
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