(Jun. 8 2025 ● Oslin Pierrette)
Excerpt from my book I’m working on:
“Like Tay always reminds me, hurt over hardened. She was great with teaching me tenderness. Taught me how to cry again, and seeing the release of sadness, but at the same time embracing of beauty, showing me how beautiful crying truly is. Also learning to leave your emotional realm open, making sure it remains fluid. I still am open to vulnerability. Even in the face of heartbreak, where many go to shut off the valves of feeling things. The act of not wanting to feel the pain of love, the loss of love, but at the same time, corroding at the ability to feel love. There’s just something so beautiful about making sure you still have the ability to love, about processing the heartbreak, and cherishing the beauty of it. While still being able to stand and go forward, and being able to still see beauty in the vision. I love that woman’s smile. She‘s so full of personality, I love that woman.”
Heartbreak is devastating to process, even for your emotionally highly developed and hyper-processor type of humans. Grief can feel so destructive to your being. And so many haven’t developed enough to face those levels of conflicting emotions, not mature and developed enough to handle loss and rejection. So many completely malfunction. And now understanding the true severity of heartbreak, that feeling is so destructive for anybody. The access to the love that was a major element or sometimes complete reason for the lighting of your world, the colors within them. To be stripped of that, especially when you are not ready to part ways, it’s truly destructive. And also especially in the aftermath of that, you don’t have a way to light your own world up, and fill it with color and beauty. I understand more clearly why some people become what they become as a byproduct of the destructive heartbreak and detachment they weren’t ready to process, face, and handle. They malfunction and devolve into something so insidious and destructive, because they can’t process the grief, it remains, and becomes so disorienting, so frustrating, what are they supposed to do with that feeling they can’t process, and won’t metabolize because of it, only metastasize. Also an added layer of resentment because you can’t light up and color your world. Don’t have the ability to stimulate self. Life still goes on, and maybe a lot of their actions just become a byproduct of heartbreak and loss, unprocessed heartbreak and resentment start to become the core of who they are, and they start to project everywhere. So I no longer judge what some do in their moments of heartbreak. I get people see them for the evil they seem to be sometimes. And I’m not justifying their actions, and still in a place to be disappointed. All I’m saying is that I understand it more clearly now. The outbursts and lashing out that are intensely passion-fueled, or filled with reckless burning emotion.
It’s like demonic possession sometimes. They have these deep vitriolic demons trapped inside them, that they can’t get free of. They become something totally different and insidious. Leaves you in confusion of what that person is, that isn’t the person you met.
The destruction of not being able to process and let go, can get extremely destructive. “Heartbreak is grieving. There’s denial, can’t accept the reality of it, can’t live with that truth. So you do your best to alter and distort reality. Then you start bargaining and negotiating. You are doing whatever you can to repair your attachment.” Like you’ll assure it’s something you can still remain attached to. But sometimes to points of extremes, through physical force and abuse, through extreme psychological manipulation, through blackmail or extremely dark ultimatums. Fatal attraction is probably a very common thing, something that sounds truly scary to cross paths with. They will use anything so they can remain connected to you, all because they haven’t developed the mechanisms to process that it’s over, to process heartbreak and rejection. Reason why love and romantic pleasure is so dangerous, specifically for emotionally undeveloped people. Like I’ve seen the stories of partners coming up dead because they attempted to leave a relationship. I’ve seen stories of women lying about pregnancy to prolong the connection of the relationship. I’ve heard the voice memos of someone’s partner threatening to kill themselves if the partner leaves, because they can’t live without them. Again, heartbreak can be intensely destructive, especially when you don’t have the mechanisms to process and metabolize it. Some people just go into full malfunction and panic, the collapse of their sanity. They just are completely oblivious as to what to do with their destructive heartbreak, they feel powerless. It’s absolutely disorienting, it traps them within this absolute dissonance and limbo, and they just will do anything to escape, to regain power into their own hands they feel. It’s not them anymore, for the most part, it’s a parasitical takeover. I’m not excusing their actions, I just understand what the destruction of love is. And in experiencing that, I was at the crossroads where I saw and felt the ohh, this is why people just fully collapse and malfunction.
There’s something I wanted to understand though. Was the extremities of heartbreaks that lead to long-form extreme blackmail or crucifixion. People who manipulatively utilize the halo effect and victimhood of something as serious as rape or abuse, and lie about it, to destroy thier partners, just because they wanted to leave the relationship. Or with destroying their partners in divorce or custody court, pushing for the harshest penalizations. That’s an insidiousness I could never truly comprehend, it’s too dark. I also would never want to be on the receiving end of that insidiousness. Being heinously crucified on an extremely gaslit lie. They’re trying to bury and drown me in the absolutely disorienting and confusing world full of dissonance, they want to bury and drown me in limbo. A limbo they felt they suffered when I wanted to leave the relationship, and also in wanting to date others. I just would never want to see from someone I truly loved and trusted, to wake up one day and be absolutely confused by who this person is, this isn’t the person I loved, this is something totally different and insidious. And it may be some extreme forms of what the parasitical takeover can metastasize to. I don’t think I can bear that level of confusion.
From understanding all this, you understand why people resort to closing the valves of feeling anything. All the possibilities of vulnerability are too risky for them. That traumatic experience is something they can never experience again. They won’t allow whatever parts of them to be open to that level of risk, that level of heartbreak. They forfeit the beauty of love, to never feel pain again. And I’m not sure all are aware of that tradeoff they are making. Destroying the core of your being, the place to find true purpose, writing off the viability of living a beautiful life.
There’s a lot of perpetual damage that comes from forfeiting being within the realm of beauty and love, just to never feel pain again. Many who can’t process and metabolize the pain. They use the pain as fuel to ignite their vindictive path of vengeance. However it plays out. Maybe some use it as a fuel for “success”, to remind the person who hurt you, of “what they’re missing out on”. Make them regret ever hurting you. That could be anywhere from a glow up to financial or social success. Or maybe you get some more extreme cases, where that metastasized unprocessed heartbreak, has led to vitriolic hatred for the gender that they felt hurt by. And they start a destructive pattern of abuse onto them, and that could play out in a multitude of ways, of spreading the heartbreak they once faced.
Also with forfeiting beauty, many will come to the conclusion, why be burdened by the ethics, rules, and morality of humanity. Why not just forgo the responsibility of humanity that is being compassionate, rectifying guilt, being empathic and being considerate to others. Why carry those bricks, when you feel no benefit or reason for it. Why not shortcut that, to experience the pleasure you want. Basically unprocessed heartbreak can lead to high amounts of narcissism, sometimes even to levels of sociopathy. Narcissist and sociopaths society has to deal and cross paths with. We see so many examples of the raging maniacs, of the “no one will ever make me feel this way again”. They avoid and abandon tending to the tender pain, it’s too much of a sore spot for them to handle. So instead, they work to build a heavy set of armor that becomes rigid, and more rigid over time. Attempting to completely harden themselves, so they can never feel that sort of pain again. So in that process, it turns many into brute narcissists and sociopaths. So detached from humanity and beauty, and so attached to the constant journey of avenging the unprocessed pain they feel. Also gaining an attachment and pleasure with indulging within the darkness, and sometimes with spreading pain. So these unprocessed heartbreak “victims”, make more victims. The dark part is the likelihood for the return to beauty corrodes the more you go down that dark path. The longer you travel down the dark path, the more armor you have to chisel through, because of how abrasive you’ve made it over time. The longer you travel, the more rotten and spoiled the untended to sore spot source of this heartbreak is, the extremely harder it is to heal and salvage what’s left of your true core. You also have to account for the destruction caused during this, more you have to rectify for. Basically it can get to the point, even if you see the flaws and wrong in your ways, you went past a point where you don’t even want to do all that work for recovery. Speaking to the reality of maybe there’s a lot of point of no return people, just accepting the darkness they metastasized for themselves.
That’s why it’s important to develop the mechanisms of processing rejection and heartbreak. Developing the mechanism to process the reality of nature, because what can spawn from that is the continued access to beauty, and the ability to receive blessings. You embrace truth, even in the face of heartbreaking destruction, it allows you to keep beauty and love alive, even develop them and heighten the sensitivity of it. But also understand “I think it’s very human to destroy your inner humanity, because you can no longer bear the weight to carry it along. Humanity is all feelings inclusive, you want beauty, it requires you bear the weight of loss, pain, and guilt. They all live within the realm of humanity, and feeling them means you’re alive.”