(Sept 12, 2022 ● Oslin Pierrette)
I’m trying to remember my journey of writing, the reason I do it. I remember as a kid, I didn’t mind writing, but it wasn’t a passion of mine. I used to think art careers were a waste of time. It didn’t compute in my head as a sustainable living. Also didn’t seem desirable. Like I thought people who paid for art colleges were fools. I thought things like poetry were gimmicky.
I will say, I remember little pockets or spurts of passionate expression. I had a bad habit of not recognizing passion. In retrospect, I understand that I would express in a way where there was an intimation of meaning. Some of the things I was doing were intrinsic expressions with greater meaning, but I just didn’t grasp it at the time. I didn’t take the hint that I was interacting with real meanings in life. I probably felt those actions were cool at the moment and moved on. Those actions probably didn’t align with my visions or bubble I was in. So even though I enjoyed the moment, it didn’t matter, so I didn’t continue.
For example, this one bugs me. I remember I designed this hoodie. Not because I cared about designing, but I wanted to make a sweater for this clique I was in. The way I put the name of the clique on the front and made it into this album cover, was so fire to me. Also it was like 2015/16. So Drake prayer hands meme was a thing, he had a 6 on top of it for Toronto. I remember Drake had a line where he said “turn the 6 upside down, it’s a 9 now.” So one of the letters was a q, and I emphasized it and made it look like a 9, then put prayer hands under it, because of 914 and Westchester. Also I put the parental advisory on the front, to make it look like a nice album cover. Then on the back, I had a blacked out american flag with OssyP 98 on it. So my favorite part is that OssyP and me designing has been synonymous with each other since the start, way back in 2016. I just didn’t grasp it. I didn’t understand that I could’ve taken that skill and passion somewhere then. I didn’t get the hint till 3 distant years later. What could’ve happened if I had grasped that at the time. Could’ve positively changed my course in life. My course is still great though. Honestly could be the better one. But that’s just an example of me not grasping real intimations of genuine passions and meaning in my life.
Other examples, I used to have these spurts when I was writing. I’d probably receive a prompt that interested me in school, and sometimes while I’m writing, I’ll be in the zone. Where the paper is writing itself. I liked it, but that’s it. I didn’t grasp that intimation of meaning. I thought it was a cool spurt. I understood I could get some cool ideas and concepts out. Sometimes I think I would kill that assignment. Then the grade I got back wouldn’t reflect the amazingness I felt I did. Which I didn’t mind, I liked that I had an ego back then to be like “you don’t know what you’re talking about,” in my head about the teacher. It didn’t matter though, because I didn’t grasp the intimation of me being great at something that I should continue.
I just wasn’t a fan of writing for myself. Journal or creative writing for fun. I had this weird pride thing where I was too proud to write down ideas or concepts I had on my mind. I weirdly prided myself on memory for retaining all my ideas, which in retrospect is dumb. It felt corny sometimes. “Write down your dreams, and they will come true,” just felt gimmicky. I mean to a certain extent, it can still be corny. I don’t think writing down your dreams is one of the main aspects or essence for achieving dreams. I think that is more of an innate thing that you develop. I think that was part of my weird pride thing. I liked the essence and feeling of when I was conceptualizing and envisioning ideas. I didn’t want to let it go and release it, until I had the proper canvas and platform to express. Basically a mental crutch that I held onto. That essence felt so powerful. I can’t just put it on a piece of paper. So I just let all those ideas stay jumbled and hoarded in my mind. I liked operating like that.
I was going to generalize this, but I’ll just say what happened. One night, I got a call or text that someone I was seriously dealing with did some things(we weren’t official, but it still hurt). I never really had a serious situation, so I never really felt this betrayal before that. I didn’t know how to handle it or operate. I was irrationally hurting. I didn’t know how to let go of those feelings, how I ever would. Then I just released onto the notepad of my phone. I don’t really remember the initial calling. I just remember writing in my notes. I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember the mood and tone. I’m not a very humble person. So it was just interesting, I had a humbling tone, a very honest one. But in having an honest tone, it would make sense that my feelings are of being humbled. Also was making sense of the situation, compartmentalizing everything. Understanding that it feels bad now, but the days will get better. Also being ok with life and its situation, and just learning how to process through it. Letting go of the entitlement of how you wanted a situation to turn out. Let go of you trying to control that. Accepting and being present in your current situation. Then when you fully accept that. Post acceptance, create desirability from your present situation. Then I was able to breathe again. I was in shock, what magic trick did I perform, I was ok. I went from erratic emotions to feeling satisfied. All that essence I held was transferred onto the paper, but not in bitterness, in humbling truth. It was so beautiful to me. An amazing epiphany. Then I finally got it, this means something. I finally grasped an intimation of meaning that I should move forward with. I understood more genuine answers in life. That you’re meant to be vulnerable and honest. Within or behind that is where all the true genuine beauty and meaning reside. The path to light is through truth.
I have an absolute understanding of that, that truth is the way. Which set a great foundation within me. It doesn’t matter at what cost(I mean some exceptions, it shouldn’t selfishly come at the cost of other humans). Live the life that you want to live, that is true to you. It was the start of me being the expressive person that I am today. I became addicted to writing. Not constantly and whenever, but whenever I felt something. I wanted to express and compartmentalize all feelings, to understand them more. So everything that affected me, every stimulating idea, just any notable feeling, I would most likely go to my notes and express. I would build a good habit of this. It just led to my exponential growth as a human and understanding life. My awareness of life and emotional intelligence just went through the roof. Also for some reason, I would be many people’s venting therapists. Understanding that vulnerability and truth is the way of life and path to beauty. So I set a very human accepting space and allowed them to be vulnerable and to share their truth. Also gave comfort to help them to be open with their truth. So I got to understand humans a lot more on a deeper level. Also that a lot of us have very similar stories and traumas. Humans are very patternistic and cyclic. But I would express that in my writing too. I just was understanding life through this constant expression.
Even though I understood I loved writing. I still didn’t realize everything I could do with it. I just loved writing. I did it because I had to express. It’s the reason I don’t really call myself a writer. Like this journalism and editorial journey I’m on. I’m not doing it because it’s something I can be good at and a job to have. I was already innately doing it. I was already doing movie and music reviews. Researching and developing stories that interest me, that I passionately want to express and share. Talking about concerns or interests I have. After a while, I realized this is probably what editorial writers and journalists do. So I wouldn’t really call myself a journalist, it’s just something I innately and passionately do.
I have done a lot with writing though. It’s a key that has unlocked many doors for me. First off, I could say writing saved my life. Things I have done with writing though. I wrote a whole book, that means a lot to me. I write a lot of movies for fun. Eventually in life I have to see these movies. I really love the film world. Like there’s been time I had a real life situation that affected me. Randomly I put that feeling into a scene, and would be relieved of that feeling. I love blueprinting all my ideas. Getting them all out, and releasing them. Since I have it saved, I can let go of the stress of losing it, and now have more mental space to conceptualize other ideas. Also to visually build out all your ideas. To see all your ideas and creations is amazing. Also me being a “journalist and editorial writer.” I only create when I feel I have a story to tell. I’ll stay quiet for weeks if I don’t feel I have anything to share or say. I have a great sense of journalistic and creative integrity. So every story I choose to develop and share are really impactful and authentic. Writing has been one of the most instrumental tools with me finding purpose in life.
That’s why I strongly believe everyone should be a writer. Writing opened up a deep relationship that I now have with myself. Give you a deeper understanding and intimation of life. Help you understand how emotions work, compartmentalize them. It can vulnerably tell you who you are. Diagnose your own issues in life, and how to release them. Guide you to where you want to go in life. It can help break you out of your shell, and help you grow wherever you want.
Like I said, writing has been one of the most instrumental tools with me finding purpose in life. Helped me become the obsessively expressive person that I am. Led me to living the life I love, full of art, love, and passion. I can’t even compute in my mind how to not live life like this.
A media post to further explain how I approach understanding life, and how writing did that: