(Apr. 25, 2024 ● Oslin Pierrette)
Woody Allen knows how to make a movie, especially dealing with romance, dialogue, and human connection. There’s always a great human feel and nice pacing to his films that make it highly watchable and engaging.
It’s one of the most beautiful things when you can spark a connection with a human of your interests and attraction. That breeds an intense beautiful passion. Where everything feels right, and this is your person. Many humans go through that experience of feeling I crossed paths with my soul mate. The question is, are these aspects good enough to create a long lasting sustainable relationship. That’s a lot of what Husbands and Wives speak to. The sustainability of monogamous relationships, is that what’s meant to be, are we locked into the right mass ideal. Where we find our partner and remain together forever in holy matrimony. Or maybe long form relationships aren’t as valid as we thought. It’s a question I’ve pondered a lot. How valid is marriage, not that people stay fully committed to their partners. But more the want, in year 25, at age 64, basically deep into relationships. How real does marriage and the connection become? Do people have the true ability to be with their partner constantly, where the connection is still vibrant, the love is still radiant. You are still the partner I want to be with.
The dilemma this film was speaking to was those connective tissues that were binding and connecting these couples were faulty or corroding. This leads to one couple separating. And sends the other couple in a spiral of questioning everything about their own standing and the validity of the connection in their marriage. Maybe people’s minds tend to drift innocently, but it’s trivial and light, they get refocused on the partners they love. But sometimes those ideas begin to fester and grow until it can’t be denied and ignored. You’re in a committed relationship, now having second thoughts, but you’re supposed to be with your partner the rest of your life, but now you’re questioning everything. This must be an existential crisis. Sounds like marriage purgatory until you do something about it.
This is where it gets into another major dilemma in this film, and something I see as an issue in modern reality. Middle age men, falling out with their women, and needing younger women to spark their interests. Lot of middle aged women are struggling to find love, because they are not the market the men their age are looking for. Lot of women are unfortunately aging out of the attraction of the men their age, many want these young flings that excite them. They are trading in sustainable relationships with most likely quick vapid exciting flings. So it begs me to question the love & romantic vitality of middle age humans, does it dry out for many humans. Does it get boring after a while. Lot of women question whether they are attractive anymore, are they vital partners.
One couple, you just saw Jack was going through an immature middle aged crisis probably, got his itch, got jealous and went back home. For Sally, Michael was interesting for her, but it couldn’t replace that chemistry & companionship with her long time husband. Like what can a young adult do for an old man, outside of excitement, there’s no compatibility. There’s no sustainability, that hot flame will burn out soon.
Then with Gabe & Judy, Gabe has become deeply infatuated and mesmerized by this young student of his, this gives him excitement, this sparks him. Judy is just a safer pick that comforts him. But that safety breeds lifelessness, that is boring. I understand it, going through volatile relationships that may have been exciting, but too much of a toll to handle. So you want to settle down with something more simple & calm. But Gabe got bored of Judy, he somewhat appreciated her companionship, but he wanted more. Judy is more of your typical woman, in the sense she doesn’t seem like she has a full voice or say on the path her life takes, passive aggressive, go with the motions that her life flows. She’s very agreeable, and these are the traits that are thrown and forced onto many women to adopt. You can end up in many situations that you don’t appreciate, that you don’t want for yourself, but you don’t have the voice to say I don’t want this. Just constantly project it onto others. Are you attracted, do you still want to do this, and it’s like why is she asking, because it feels like she wants out and doesn’t know how to say that. Until she finally meets Michael, someone she actually finds interest in. At her older age with more wisdom, she wants the chance to be single to direct her life now the way she actually would truly envision with her newfound wisdom. It took her time to develop to say what she wanted, I mean she didn’t really directly say it, she kind of cried and pouted for it, but she had some initiative points.
In the end, I still don’t fully know the feasibility of long term marriages. But you do need a strong foundation for the best chance at it. I do believe the passion and vibrant connection is needed deep within the foundation. Developed humans are needed, who have a lot of grace, understanding, and wisdom in life. You need those developed emotional and communication skills. Need the intimacy ability to put everything on the table and be completely vulnerable together. So when you grow together, you can harmoniously grow together. That’s it, you need these aspects and skills to maintain the vibrant beautiful harmony over the long term relationship. Where years later, you are still falling in awe of the people you both are constantly growing into. Things have to keep getting interesting. And you need a counterpart that can do that, has the foundation and potential to grow and grow. Without that, that initial vibrant ignition and spark in the beginning won’t last years later, that fire or more so light will dim, you need to keep igniting more and more lights over time to keep this connection and marriage vibrant and fruitful. This is just my marriage theory.
Great film, I really like Woody, he’s great. One of the greatest romantic and human writers.