(Apr. 21, 2023 ● Oslin Pierrette)
First Watch:
I honestly don’t have many things to say. I will watch again though. Wow. That was different.
Second watch:
Life is a series of choices, a collection of them. Then comes judgement day. Judged on the choices you made. Of course you’re supposed to be righteous and make the right choice, but what if you just don’t know how. What if I never gained the agency over my whole life to make the right decision? What if I never gained the courage to be assertive to speak up for myself. Maybe that’s the reason why I just let life happen to me. Maybe that’s why I make these wrong decisions. Not because I’m a person that intentionally picked the choices to do wrong. Maybe I’m just afraid to do right. I want to do right. I don’t want the sins from choices, but I don’t have the courage to avoid them. I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to assert myself. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I was scared to choose one. The choices just seem so lethal sometimes, and I don’t know what to do. Help me, Beau’s just Afraid…
and that’s what I got from Beau is Afraid. I’m happy I went for a second watch and didn’t cheat and go watch a YouTube analysis, that would’ve been so cheap. But I understand it now, because I was so lost before. It was interesting, but I was like what is going on.
One aspect I want to talk about is the judgement day scene. I’ve envisioned that so many times before in my life. Like I always had the feeling, what if my life gets reviewed and graded in like some purgatory. By a crowd of people, people are reviewing my most private vulnerable parts of my life. I’m completely naked for the crowds viewing, the crowds judgement. And it’s like of course there’s going to be shame and humiliation…(what’s crazy about me saying that now, on everything I promise you, I said to myself when walking into the theater, people are going to have to get used to their whole lives being for others viewing, there’s going to be no such thing as privacy. You don’t own your information anymore. So that’s a bit trippy. Was Kris Kardashian up to something)
One part that I remember is in the beginning, the therapy scene. The therapist wrote one word, Guilty. And maybe his fate was decided for him early on in the film, right then and there. He didn’t pass whatever test, whatever those few questions were. And the path ahead of him was very orchestrated to his demise, his fate was decided for him since that guilty judgement, that we thought at the time was a therapist symptom claim, but we find out he’s just a worker for his mother. But due to Beau’s lack of agency, maybe he had the chance to steer different from the fate laid ahead for him. He walked right into it though, Beau let life happen to him, and the fate of the lack of agency man was coming, and like many people have to deal with, it’s too late when you find out the actual person you’re supposed to be. You’re pleading for your life, that you see the way now. And it’s that too late moment, where it’s like if you could’ve before, you should’ve. It’s that conundrum, because the journey you went through is the reason you can now, and not having that is the reason I really couldn’t before. Some people have to put their hand on the stove, to feel the fire, to then understand.
Also with the judgement scene, that’s what judgment feels like. Beau isn’t a malicious guy, he’s really nice and kind, and that’s emphasized. But there’s this religious aspect where it’s more than being nice and kind. You have to follow this strict religious compass, where the judgement feels harsh and stern. This judgement feels absent of grace, compassion, empathy, and just understanding why I did what I did. I’m innocent I tell you. I’m innocent at heart, please forgive me if my actions aren’t up to standards, have mercy on me, I promise I’m innocent at heart.
I loved the Mother’s Suffocation aspect, because I’ve seen it. Beau is being judged on the decisions he made, but he never really gained that courage, ambition, agency, confidence. That was destroyed by his mother. She took his independence, his ability to make decisions. Everything was done for him, so he never learned how to do anything by himself. And that’s so destructive to a person’s development. You never get the chance to develop into a fully competent and courageous human. Never gained the tools to make a viable living for yourself and make good decisions. And that’s where your parents come in. They are supposed to guide you on that journey. So Beau didn’t fail his mother, she failed him, like the generations before her did to her. She thought she gave Beau “everything”, but she passed down her self hatred and incompetence. She destroyed Beau before he even had a chance. Beau was Afraid because of her. Coddle your child, so they don’t develop courage.
Also there’s this weird relationship his mother has with him. There’s a vacant lover/husband role in her life. And I feel she puts a lot of that responsibility on Beau to fill that position. So that’s why this “bond” holds higher stakes than your typical parent child relationship. A parent can typically let go of their child, and let them venture in the world by themselves. Where Beau means a lot more than that, he’s not only her son, but maybe the love of her life, the only love he can have in her life. You see the intertwining of Beau’s love interests, like in Elaine and how that collides with his mother. Also with how similar they look with his mom. “Your mom is your first love”, I feel it speaks to the fact that a lot of people’s love interests have traits that resemble their parents.
I loved the tone and texture of this film. It was such a weird world. I could see where Synecdoche, NY played a part in this world. The lack of agency and not making any significant decisions, and these large architected world sets, with a bunch of people playing different roles. But this had direct influence with The Truman Show. The surveillance, that nothing is real, so much artificialness, everything you do is so influenced, coddled, and for everyone’s viewing. But when Beau tried to escape on a boat, he wasn’t granted mercy. They flipped the boat on him.
Great beautiful film.
Third Watch:
How guilty is innocence, especially when it comes with a lack of agency. If you look at the world, and how the world is made up of individuals. And individually many people are living their own lives, playing their part. Many of them just want to make an honest living and just be able to provide for their family and stay out of the way. But how honest and innocent is their docile living. Especially when their authority isn’t as innocent. Those people may respond with, “what was I supposed to do? I was just following the orders in my life, making an honest living to feed my family.” One quote that I agreed with mother, I can only summarize somewhat what she said, but it was like “Don’t think you’re so innocent in your inability to make choices for yourself, that you let life happen to you.” Like this quote by Einstein “The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything“. Yes this is Mona Wasserman’s world, she may be the evil puppet master behind all of this, but she can’t do this on her own. It’s a collective of all these “innocent” people who are just trying to make a living contributing to this nefarious world. So how “innocent” are those people. I feel Beau is Afraid speaks a lot to that. A lot of people accepted a role in this nefarious world, they collectively make MW. So when people talk about how corrupt and evil this world is, yes there are nefarious people who blueprint a lot of it, but a large collective of “innocent” people who are trying to make an honest living, contribute to the building and seeing the vision through of these nefarious people, so how innocent are we? At some point, we have to take accountability for the role we play. We collectively are a part of this corruption. “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for everything“. And there’s so many people just going through the motions of the world that is created for them to live, that’s all they know how to do, many people don’t know how to take control of their own lives, and create a life of their own that they would appreciate living. The downside is this lack of agency, going through the motions people. You see that they will fall for anything, they will play a role in any play you place them in, good or bad, as long as you give them this veil of blissful ignorance that they are doing good or not harming anyone, they feel their role is not a direct role in the nefarious ways. Just a way of the world that they accept.
I went to go watch Beau is Afraid for a third time. I feel on the second watch I understood this film. So I wanted a clean-up watch. With the information I held from the second watch, I wanted to see how I would perceive and understand what is going on now, and I got a lot out of it. Cleaned up a lot of the loose ends. I see a lot of people saying, so much of this film could’ve been cut out. And I have to allow grace and let them have that opinion, because based on my first watch, I can understand how that can be. After the third watch, I love every second of it, it doesn’t feel like a drag at all. It felt so cohesively and poetically put together, each scene kept reinforcing that throughline premise of this film. But yeah, one aspect that I appreciate about it, I remember the first time I watched this, I felt underwhelmed. I knew I had to watch it again, but was disheartened by the thought, because the end was already exposed, it can’t get any better. I was wrong, the ending gets better with every watch. You understand that life is more about the journey, the ending is less significant than the journey.
What I got from this third watch, I had this inkling from the second watch, that this was a guilty verdict purgatory. Then you see this was all a constant judgement test. Starting from the moment where Beau is asked if he feels guilty, and in his non-answer, lack of agency to take control, and truly answer that question, basically who Beau is, that was the deciding factor in his guilty verdict. You see the therapist write one word, Guilty. Kind of implying, maybe he isn’t a therapist. More of a judgement official. Then we go on a very orchestrated journey of this guilty purgatory journey. One thing this could all be, is a purgatory judgement, light flashing before death, summarizing your life, and making you understand your wrongs, and where you should’ve gone right, and that it’s too late. A very visual recap montage of Beau’s character.
One thing about Beau, he’s super paranoid, we see with some of his hypothetical visions. He assumes the worst is going to happen sometimes, even with no evidence that it can occur. He makes up danger in his head. That’s why this world can come off so chaotic and horrid. It can be the world perceived from Beau’s mind, where he’s afraid of everything. Obviously Beau’s apartment was supposed to be a representation of NY. NY is a very questionable place of course, but it isn’t that death hellscape that Beau envisioned, but I can understand from a paranoid, and person who just isn’t from or belongs there, how they can perceive NYC as this survival death zone. That’s why you see so much pharmaceutical influence, many people terribly struggle to digest conditions like this, they need pharmaceutical assistance in order to deal with all the anxiety.
Also there was this huge Jesus billboard right outside of his apartment that said “Jesus Watches All Your Abominations”. That enforced that feeling of the type of judgment people feel they’re receiving. The judges that are in this film. There doesn’t seem to be a sense of grace, and understanding of the human experience. It’s this strict righteousness that everyone is supposed to abide by. Even when things feel out of your control, it still feels like you’re being judged on those choices made during that time.
It was interesting when Beau crossed paths with that Grace & Roger family. By the third watch, you could see that maybe he didn’t just cross paths with the family. It was an orchestrated event on his path. It was weird him waking up in a random room the first time, but after the third watch, it felt like I was catching on. Like after the episode he had running naked outside frantically, typically someone ends up at a rehabilitation center. So when you hear comments like “Welcome Back” when seemingly it’s Beau’s first time meeting that family. When they instruct him to dial 9 before he enters the number, like instructions from an office phone. There’s another heavily sedated patient living in that home. All the equipment and meds they have. It screams rehabilitation center.
We get introduced to the daughter of Grace & Roger, and she’s an angry odd kid. She is erratic and neurotic, and she’s obviously angry at life, for whatever reason, but that house does seem like it can cause madness. She takes Beau for a trip, “forces”(his mother would probably say that the little girl didn’t put the drug into his mouth or inhaled it for him) him to smoke the “3 mysterious drugs”.
This was one of my favorite parts of the film. He was taken on this gorgeous hallucinating trip. It felt like it was a trip in the deep waters, especially with the effects the trip had on his auditory. You see these gorgeous flashbacks of his life. You see a lot of the reason Beau is the way he is. This weirdly intimate relationship that the mother has with Beau. Her life seems like there’s this vacant husband/lover role, that she’s trying to make Beau fill the position of. Asking Beau out for night walks and stargazing, it’s odd. Sharing beds with Beau at a developed age, it’s odd. She’s insufferable, it could be a reason why Beau tries to distance himself and avoids her as much as possible. He’s not too fond of their bond. He feels like she’s trying to give him everything for a conditional price that he offers love back, and you can see she’s torn by the fact that he doesn’t. That’s were this whole journey is sparked from. But on this trip you get to see more about the women in Beau’s life, and sex/love life. How he loves Martha, and you can see the reaction from his mother that there may be some jealousy. Also we meet Elaine, Beau’s love interest. We’re going through different ages of Beau, young, middle aged, old. But I also got the feeling that we were going through the different ages of Beau’s mom, old, middle-aged, and also with Elaine, young, which feels like a manifestation of Mona’s creation. Like I question how real Elaine is, I’m not too sure, is she an artificial being? She was weirdly red-headed just like Beau’s mom. Basically an illustration of how convoluted and weird Beau’s relationship with sex and love is, also why he’s extremely love and sexually repressed.
Beau is somewhat coming down from his trip. He still really has to get home. And it seems like he keeps failing the test of agency and control to speak up and say, he needs to go home now. Like Grace sneakingly told him, he keeps incriminating his guilty verdict. He doesn’t know what the right or wrong answer is, and he just doesn’t want to impose at all. Him not wanting to impose still wouldn’t be acceptable to his mother. Within one of those scenes, was 1000 miles playing, with the lyrics “Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles, If I could just see you tonight”, with how orchestrated everything is, it honestly could’ve been her request in trying to get it through Beau’s head, just come home now.
Grace was an interesting character, even her name was a good choice, because she was one of the only people to really offer him that humanistic grace. Understand where he’s coming from, why things are the way they are. That he’s not a maliciously guilty guy, she seemingly sees his fear, and understands him for it. She just tries to nudge him towards the right decision. Give him clues, like she’s Lauren Garland.
But every time the officials of the MW mechanism appear, that being her husband Roger. But she hints at channel 78 to Beau. It appears that he’s being surveilled, but oddly his future was surveilled as well. So it begs the question, what is this? Is it a purgatory for everyone to watch? Beau’s big test, he’s been here before, and he’s given the chance to make things right under the judgement of his mother? In the next scene you see Tony having some sort of episode, you see it in her eyes. She blurts out that Beau has failed his test. And she goes on to drink paint, which makes Beau panic. But this is one of the worst times to go into his lack of agency mode. There’s an obvious decision to stop her, to not let her do that. The mother seems to feel that way at least. One of or maybe the only person to give Beau grace, is in absolute disgust for who he truly is when he’s presented with a certain decision he has to make, and he acts cowardly, and allows her to kill herself.
An important part for me is the play. It feels like Beau still has some drugs in his system, some lingering effects. The play that’s “coincidentally” summarizing his life, telling the story of Beau. Really hinting towards the conundrum that Beau’s dealing with, The Conundrum. This series of major crossroads. And he’s consistently scared to make a decision, keeping him trapped on this path of lack of agency, which leads to his demise. His demise was judged on his lack of agency, and maybe this is his chance to correct that, but he’s constantly staying in that mode. Then the plays start, and Beau submerges into this animated story. A story about a man who leaves all that he knows, and has the courage to go into the unknown. A story of man who goes into his developmental stage, going on that journey that every human needs. Finding where your heart is home, developing skills and your craftsmanship to make yourself purposeful. Within that world, finding your partner and creating a family. The journey that Beau always needed for himself, but due to his coddled upbringing, that was pretty much stolen from him. The ability to be courageous and have agency over your own life. So you see resentment, and that feeling of being deprived and robbed of important aspects in his life. He was deprived of passion, ambition, courage, love, etc. He’s been robbed of living, and has been forced to be afraid. So much resentment and anger, especially from years of repression. It also goes into this alternate flashback about the intense indoctrination by Beau’s mother, the fear instilled inside of him, illustrating the reason for Beau’s sexless life.
Beau makes it home, to the ending of his mom’s funeral. It’s a nice mansion. Beau’s going throughout the home, and there’s so many pictures of these artificial looking people. You see recycled characters from earlier part in the film, in different roles. You see people on the wall that “coincidentally” crossed paths with Beau. Getting you to the point that this is all an orchestrated surveilled world, like a simulated controlled world. Everyone that he crosses paths with, seemingly works for his mom and this MW company. Everybody seems to be playing a part.
The return of Elaine, and maybe just another test. The only few times that Beau has made some sort of choice, using some agency, has been for Elaine, his “guilty pleasure”. Just like their first meeting, it always felt like a bad act, very weird like she was fumbling her role. But long story short Beau finally has his Consummation. Finally got to achieve that satisfying release, after decades of repression. So satisfying that he could live to tell it, that the myth was just a myth…then everything goes left field, Elaine is seemingly dead, or turned off, if she’s real or not. Then Beau’s mother appears, dressed in all black like there’s a funeral she’s going to.
Beau vs his mom, some of the best dialogue in this film. Now it’s time to uncover why. What’s the reason for all of this. To orchestrate a fake death and a fake journey. Beau is an absolute shock. He’s trying to understand why all this? And she wants to know why he didn’t care more, why he doesn’t love her like she wants him to. She wants to know why he didn’t make it to the funeral, she doesn’t believe in his excuses. She despises the fact that he feels innocence in his lack of agency to make it home. She feels if he wanted to, he would’ve been there. The reason he wasn’t is because it didn’t matter that much to him.
For someone who has a lack of agency, is compliant to the orders given in his life, it seems he has made one conscious decision for himself. He chose to distance himself from his mother. And that idea probably burns inside of her. You see that’s all she wants, is her sons love and affection. If he would’ve just came home that day, she would’ve got on her knees and apologized to God for ever doubting Beau…Now thinking about it from that perspective, even though the judgement feels too harsh and cruel. It felt like Beau was supposed to show up, no questions asked, and that was the test. But the mother offered more tests, it felt like she offered some grace, like maybe she literally offered him Grace earlier on. Yeah Beau’s keys were missing, and he had the whole mishap happen, anybody could’ve understood that. Those moments were out of his control. But he could’ve shown initiative on the phone call, when his mom offered follow up questions. Like saying mom, I want to be there for you, I’m coming soon. He could’ve communicated more in the past, he hasn’t seen in her in a long while. That is very telling Beau’s actions, she knows he probably has the time, he just hasn’t utilized it. Beau had the control and power in his own hands, he just didn’t act on it. Beau had chances in the past, even along the journey. There were more tests to show initiative. And one could say Beau’s just afraid. He wasn’t afraid when he landed in bed with Elaine. And that’s where his mother pops up right after. You see that’s how she feels like when she says, you didn’t just land there, she iterates that he made the choice to do that. You had so many chances to show initiative, to show that you have some care for your mom, and you showed that you’re not 100% afraid. When you really want something, you showed your true color in that you would go after and have initiative in going for it. That was probably the straw that broke the camels back for Beau’s mom. Also to see that he can love someone, that isn’t her, all that she wanted.
This speaks to the very common estranged relationship between parent and child. This whole story sparks from this, of the child not reaching out to their parents as much, moving on. Not checking in on them as much, only contacting them when they need them. That could hurt a parent’s heart. Also the guilt the child can feel with not communicating with their parents that much, especially when you feel you don’t have the ability to have a present relationship with your parents, but you still hope they’re ok. And there can be more guilt when you’re dealing with a single parent, and you know they may be alone in the world. That could destroy someone internally with guilt. That’s probably what their destroyed bond is packed with, resentment, guilt, betrayal, and there’s definitely hatred mixed in there as well.
Just everything she did to Beau was over the top, that caused these feelings in Beau. Lying to him about his father, and seemingly about his “sex illness”. Intentionally instill fear in him, probably to make him rely on her authority, make him more docile and compliant. Kill people for this silly test. And it’s evident, Mona is obsessed to see how Beau truly feels about her. This grand test to see if Beau loves her. She augments entire worlds for her silly little agendas. The therapist walks in, and Beau is in more shock, to find out all his sessions were recorded. Find out more and more, that none of this is real. The shock and epiphanies are piling up on each other, too much for one sitting, but it’s all coming out now. Forcing his shell to break, he’s not in this lack of agency mode anymore. He’s saying everything he wants to say. But the judgement is probably already submitted by this point. To put icing on the cake though, he strangles her, in the heat of the moment. He had a raging face with dead set eyes on her death, demolishing the last gasps of air in her throat. Scared little Beau comes back, and shocked by what he did to his own mom, but by that time it was too late. The look of demented shock was on his face, and he just rowed off. To find out that he was rowing to his judgement, seeing that this was all a test.
It’s Judgement Day, the test of agency and his love for his mother. Beau doesn’t have the best argument for himself. Especially since this isn’t an understanding judge. The mom and her defense are using instances far before Beau had the ability to even make a choice. They aren’t validating real human moments of why someone would make certain choices. But Beau has faults he could be accountable for. There were times where Beau was starting to gain some agency, but the forces grew higher. But ultimately, by the time Beau gained the agency in his own life, it was too late.
By the time people gain the agency to speak up for themselves. It’s like it’s a part of the story instead of them actually changing their fate. That agency was by fear, not by choice. So even in that agency, Beau is still afraid, that agency was a part of the path he was already on, he never shifted course, it was too late. It’s like when we’re told to accept God’s word and blessing. Throw your hands in the air, and accept God’s glory, share your faith out loud. There’s this aspect where like many people are too shy, and too scared, sort of embarrassed to do that. And feel ashamed of not speaking up when they should. But then you see the devil come, that’s when you see them scream for God. You now gain agency when you see the devil is coming, death is around the corner, and that’s why it’s too late. You feared the devil, that’s what caused your agency, that’s when you started to take control of your life. You didn’t choose to be righteous for God’s sake. The choice was made, the ultimate crossroads. Beau wasn’t proactive for god, he just reacted to seeing the devil. And in this instance his god of this MW world is Mona Wasserman, and Beau didn’t pass the test.
So that was a beautiful premise, because so many humans suffer from that aspect. People don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb. Don’t want to impose by being assertive. Many have a difficult time with being assertive, and that results in them being very passive. Plagued with this introvertness. Want to be good, just don’t hold the tools to do so. God said scream so I can hear and save you, but they were ashamed or would feel ashamed to do so. They’ll just internally say it maybe, even though that’s disobeying God. Never be afraid to shout out your faith. Many do, and when the devil calls, now you’re screaming for God.
That ties back into the point of everyone collectively being in this docile and innocent bystander state. Individually it seems innocent that they’re doing honest work. But we see where being “innocent”, docile, and having a lack of agency got Beau. Maybe his judgment wasn’t the most fair, but there were honest parts to his guilt. He did watch that little girl die. His lack of agency can cause harm, his “innocence” can be guilty sometimes. People while they still have access to some sort of comfort will stay in their docile zone. Remain in their role, even if it’s a role that has a nefarious head, but as long as they feel like they didn’t have a direct role, they feel innocent in their actions. God would tell them to do right by their choices, and stand for something righteous. Instead they fall for anything, remaining in their docile comfort, until the devil says they are coming, that’s when they will start screaming for the righteousness of God, when their comfort and security gets disturbed. Which means a lot of them even in their screams aren’t authentic in their late praise for God. We as a collective are not as proactive in calling for God, we mostly react to the devil. With a collectivism of that, we all contribute to this evil coming, to the point it’s too late. We’re all going to blame the evil world, but we played a role in building it the way that it is. We are all not as innocent as we think, like we have the inability to make a choice.
I love this film. I understand this was a long analysis, but I feel it was packed with great premises that are so root-full to the human condition, very insightful for people to unpack. Not just for the fun of unpacking a film, but for your own personal perspective. The cinematography was out of this world. Those perfect and sometimes artificial images were gorgeous. The scoring, soundtracking, and sound design was top notch. Those Trips in the deep water were so gorgeous. The story was so poetic with a beautiful through-line. This may go down as the film of the year for me. What I thought was his worst work, turns out to be his best. What was so foreign at first, I’m deeply connected with now. This is my story, obviously not literally, but this is my premise. Amazing job by Ari Aster, a classic masterpiece.
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